Wellbeing In Leadership: An ABCDE Guide To Building Resilience And Dealing With Stress

Failing to deal with stress in the workplace has huge human and economic costs and is a growing concern for leaders in our industry. Executive coach Alex Oliver explains her simple ABCDE approach to tackling this problem.

As an executive coach working with leaders in this fast changing and increasingly uncertain world, stress management is a topic that comes up a lot. Evidence highlights the scale of the problem and suggests the challenge is on the rise. In a 2022 study from McKinsey, infrastructure was cited as one of the industries most likely to have employees reporting at least one mental health challenge – impacting over 50% of the workforce.

Costs to businesses are significant. Those affected are three times more likely to report low job satisfaction, twice as likely to report low engagement, and four times more likely to want to leave their organisation.

The human costs of poor stress management are also considerable. If we suffer prolonged stress and anxiety, not only do put ourselves at risk of burnout and serious health issues, but we also risk not showing up at our cognitive best. In short we fail to perform to our potential.

Understanding the science of stress

When we feel anxious, frustrated, or afraid, the stress hormone cortisol is released into our bloodstream, alongside the heart accelerator, adrenalin. Whilst this ‘fight / flight’ stress response may have been useful for our early ancestors to escape wild beasts or marauding tribes, this response to today’s non-physical threats and challenges, is no longer serving us. In shutting down other resourceful neural networks like empathy and creativity, it prevents us from being our most fast thinking and resourceful selves.

In effect, as Dr Alan Watkins neuroscientist, TEDx speaker and coach to global CEOs, says, ‘it’s a DIY lobotomy’ – certainly not how most of us want to show up when dealing with the complex decisions and challenges that we face today as leaders. But with focus and practice, we can change this. We may not always be able to eradicate all the causes of stress, but we can always change how we react to them.

Making the change

High performing teams will be central to the UK’s ability to deliver the major projects needed to underpin economic growth and social recovery. Learning to manage stress and build resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity – for ourselves and for the teams we lead, are key traits that can make or break a leader’s success.

Based on the best thinking from neuroscience, positive psychology, and my own experience from many years working with leaders across multiple sectors, here’s an ABCDE list of some ways to start:

A – Awareness – Self-awareness and emotional literacy are fundamental building blocks of resilience. Simply noticing and putting what we’re feeling into words can reduce the power of negative emotions. Neuroscientist Dan Siegel calls this concept ‘name it to tame it’, and in psychology it’s known as ‘cognitive defusion’. By naming what we are feeling rather than allowing it to overwhelm us, we reduce the intensity of the emotion, and in effect de-fuse, or unstick ourselves from it. This way the anxiety, frustration or stress can pass through us more easily. In practical terms, this is as simple, as saying ‘I’m feeling worried’ and noticing what ‘worried’ feels like in our bodies, vs. ‘I am worried’. This is step 1.

B – Breathe – Building on self-awareness, breathing practices are invaluable for reducing stress because they impact directly on the body’s physiological responses. Breathing in a smooth, even-paced way helps to regulate heart rate variability (HRV) – a key measure for stress resilience and overall health. Building in a slightly longer outbreath, activates the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the “rest and digest” system. This activation counters the “fight or flight” response of the sympathetic nervous system, reducing the stress hormone cortisol and promoting relaxation. Because breathing exercises can be done almost anywhere, it’s a practical tool that can help us to manage stress in a range of different situations.

C – Compassion – This one is foundational! Research shows that practising self-compassion can unlock countless benefits, including less anxiety and stress, more happiness, greater empathy, more creativity, and less reactivity. As leaders we will be faced by significant complexity, opportunities or challenges which require us to take risks and venture way beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes we’ll be successful; and inevitably, when we’re playing our biggest game, sometimes not. In these latter cases, we need to quiet the voice of the inner critic, so quick to judge and beat us up for ‘failing’, and instead treat ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to others. In this way we also foster a growth mindset where we can look on challenges as opportunities for growth and development. As my rower son would say, ‘I never lose, I only win or learn’.

D – Decide – In his famous book, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, Viktor Frankl said “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.” We can always choose a perspective. We can also choose a response. As in the examples above, we can choose to focus on our failings, or we can choose to appreciate our strengths and celebrate our successes. Many of my clients coming to coaching feeling ‘stuck’ in a situation or role. But we are always in choice – whether it’s asking for what we need, saying what we want and ‘no’ to what we don’t want, or radically changing something in our life that isn’t working for us anymore. As leaders we nearly always have more control and agency than we may have assumed. Recognising this is a powerful antidote to stress.

E – Experience – Finally and alongside all of this, it’s essential to keep a balance. Work is only a part of our lives, albeit an important one and a source of purpose for many of us. Make time to experience and invest in all that life has to offer. Physical activity, spending time in nature, connecting with loved ones, friends and colleagues, are amongst many activities correlated with higher levels of wellbeing. However senior we are in our careers, more joy and fulfilment in all areas of our lives translates into greater resilience to cope with whatever our work is throwing at us. So, find what you love and do more of that!

Playing the long-term game

A final word on all of this: we can’t change ourselves overnight. But thanks to the amazing neuroplasticity of our brain, we can always undo old ways of thinking and adopt new ways.

Just as we can improve our piano playing or our golf swing with practice, so can we build resilience over time. With our organisations, teams and the planet needing us to show up as our best selves now more than ever, there’s never been a better time to start.