The Value of Mentoring: What Does Successful Mentoring Look Like?

Executive coach Alex Oliver examines the role of the mentor and shares her insights into how both the mentor and the mentee can get the most value out of mentoring.

Last month the Major Projects Association asked me to write about mental health. This month the theme is mentoring and I’m back. The two topics may appear unrelated. They are not.

“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” So said Booker T. Washington, American educator, author, and advisor to several U.S. Presidents.

It’s well established that key drivers of wellbeing are ‘connecting with people’ and ‘giving to others’. Mentoring is a powerful way we can support others. But in so doing, also feel fulfilled and good about ourselves.

I’ve been a volunteer mentor for several years, including as part of Leading global business school INSEAD’s Balance in Business Impact Mentoring initiative. I’m deeply proud of the work my mentees and I have done together, and what has been achieved. Alongside the sense of connection I gain from the relationships, the work has been closely aligned with my own values and my desire to narrow the still-gaping gender gap in leadership.

Today, in the aftermath of the pandemic and with an increased focus on the value of diversity in its truly widest sense, the value of mentoring in creating feelings of inclusion and belonging, has never been clearer. Not only is this important to retain talent, but when people feel comfortable and are seen and valued as themselves – whether as mentee or mentor – they are also more likely to show up as their best selves.

If you’re considering taking on the role of mentor, here’s what I’ve learnt over the years to get the most value on both sides:

1. 1. 1. Check the fit.
         Successful mentoring – like coaching – is built on a good, trusting relationship where both mentor and mentee feel safe to speak candidly and explore without fear of judgement. If there’s no rapport, it just “ain’t gonna work”.
      2. Set clear goals and guidelines upfront.
         Make sure you both know where you’re going and how you’ll know when you get there. It’s a big investment of both your time. Evaluate the effectiveness of your mentoring and redesign how you work together, if needed.
      3. Focus on strengths and potential rather than limitations, especially at the start.
         If we feel judged by people we respect, we tend to shut down and it’s harder to stay open to learning. Focusing first on strengths will help to build courage and resilience to take on the harder stuff as needed further on.
      4. Challenge but be positive.
         Show curiosity but avoid colluding in the reasons or excuses your mentee may offer for not moving forward. Never be critical of other colleagues to your mentee. Remember you are their mentor not their friend.
      5. Be accountable and design your respective accountabilities.
         Hold your mentee to account for their commitments and goals. If you have offered to make introductions or open doors, keep your side of the bargain.

Above all, show up as yourself. Don’t hold yourself to an unrealistically high standard or think you need to be a perfect leader. On the contrary. Perfection is boring. We are far more inspired by the stories of those who have stumbled, failed and then got up again – bruised but wiser. We can all constantly learn and grow. Showing up as your real, wonderfully imperfect self and allowing your mentee to do the same, could be one of the greatest gifts you offer them.